Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
