You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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