Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize