ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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