This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
