That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
