it wasn't lemon gatorade
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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