how can u be prego again
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize