Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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