I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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