Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Where is the hickey?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
