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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Four minutes until I can fart!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
