I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm too high and old for this...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
