Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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