do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
