She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
