i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
