So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
