Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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