My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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