Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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