i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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