Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
