she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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