I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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