so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
