Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
