bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
