Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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