im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize