she woke up with a sticky ear
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
