i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
