we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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