He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
