if i can run in heels then i can drive
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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