wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
