We're facebook friends in real life
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
