3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
