this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
