i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
