Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do vagina's smell?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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