tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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