It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
