Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
