No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
