My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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