if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
