we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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