went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
