You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
