Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
