I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
