this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
