looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You are a genius and a whore.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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