Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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