you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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