That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
