I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
