we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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