I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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