Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
