Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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