So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
how does that bad decision feel?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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