I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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