Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
