Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
