But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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