life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
