why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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