Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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