Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
