I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
