i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
