I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize