Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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