All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh god the rape fog is back!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
