wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
