All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me I should be a condom model.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize