God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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