I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the liver wants what the liver wants
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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