You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She bit a glass in half.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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