We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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