I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
