Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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