kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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