Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
