based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
