Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
