Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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