if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
do herpes really smell.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
