My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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