hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize