I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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