I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
