how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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