You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
