You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
