well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
