I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So much Jack, so little girl.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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