when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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