my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
