dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
