it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
