nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
