well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
barbara walters just said penis...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
