There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
