i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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