we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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