My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
