I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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