Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
